


Where the Light Leads

by Bluestem



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: After Be Here Now, Big Battles, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Smut, Force-Sensitive Finn, Leia knows everything, Loneliness, M/M, Prophetic Dreams, Safe Sane and Consensual, Separations, The Force, War, celebrate good times come on!, figuring stuff out, settling down
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-05 21:11:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12802467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluestem/pseuds/Bluestem
Summary: Set after "Be Here Now", Finn and Poe are swept up into the last battles of the foundering First Order.  As the two try to adjust to 'normal' lives, dreams begin to haunt Finn, revealing both the deepest desires of his heart and a lurking terror that threatens to plunge a newfound peace into ruin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: If you haven't read Be Here Now, this story will contain major spoilers for that one. 
> 
> *clawing my way out of the ground where I've been buried for the past seven months*  
> Jeeeeez! A billion years later and with The Last Jedi looming on the horizon, the Stormpilot bug bit hard, and I finally got myself to focus on a sequel type thing for Be Here Now. I'll just say that I have absolutely zero plan and no idea where this is going. I can't promise another 500+ page novel. :D But I just needed to write the boys. Let's play this by ear! It's been a rough summer/fall, so I've mostly been MIA on social media (except when some Star Wars snippets are released). Sorry about that! I'll try to do better as I work on this. Lemme know what you think, and comments are much appreciated!
> 
> -Bluestem

The crescent beach cut a green and beige swath into a bay of clear crystal and deep, cool blue.  The cries of white, long-tailed birds lilted down from humid skies, though they could hardly be heard over the raucous voices of the beachgoers.  Children of a multitude of species screeched and splashed, running about as if they were solar charged and full to bursting with energy.  Adults napped and swam, jogged across the rough sand, and danced.  There was always dancing on Yavin 4. 

Poe laughed as Finn waded awkwardly through the surf as if his legs had turned to duracrete, his hands cupped over his crotch.  “You’re doing fine, babe.”  He called out, treading water just past the line of swelling waves.

“Are you sure this is okay?”  He yelled back, grateful that the water had now surged above his hips and covered him.  Poe pushed off from the rocky floor and drifted over to him, floating effortlessly on his back in full and shameless display.

“What, going naked?”

“Yes, you idiot, what else?”  Finn laughed, reaching out and tugging at his leg until he was forced into some semblance of modesty.

“It’s Yavin.  If you’re not naked on the beach, you’re doing it wrong.”

“But…what if someone sees my…you know…?”

“Your beautiful _SUNDRENCHED ASS?”_ Poe shouted out over the waves and several nearby swimmers laughed. 

Finn shook his head though he gave him a grudging grin, and then he buried in him a mighty splash.  Poe popped back up with a mouthful of water that he spat in a fountain directly into Finn’s face.  They giggled like a pair of children, lost for a moment in sheer, careless fun.  Then Poe lunged forwards, swimming out into the deeper, calmer blue, where the bottom was only an azure guess.  Finn followed him and silently they tread the mercifully cool water, bobbing gently up and down.  Poe inhaled, listening to the surf and the laughter, and he stared wistfully out at the blurry seam where sky met ocean.  He felt drawn to that blue line, as he always did; for swimming was little different than flying in his opinion.  The colors were so similar he felt he could lift himself up out of the water and go on floating weightlessly into the sky.  He smiled to himself and glanced at Finn.  He was staring up into blue-purple puffs of cumulous cloud with a peaceful expression that made Poe’s heart swell.

“Well?”  Poe asked, and Finn’s eyes dropped to him. 

“You were right.”  He sighed, “this is pretty great.”

“Uh huh.”  Poe nodded with satisfaction.

“Though the whole ‘naked’ thing might take some getting used to.”

“Ah,” he waved an unconcerned hand, scattering bright droplets, “eventually you won’t even think twice about it.”

“Does your _dad_ go swimming like this?”

“Sure.  Why not?”

Finn laughed into the water lapping about his chin.  “That’s so weird.”

“Why’s it weird?”

“It just is.”

“Okay.  Prude.”

“I’m not a prude.  I just don’t want to see your dad buck-ass naked.”

“I’ll let him know.”

“Don’t!  That’d be even _weirder!”_

Poe bobbed closer with a wry smile and the next swell of water brought their lips together.  “You’re so cute,” he said as they drew apart.

“Well, with my ‘sundrenched ass’ how couldn’t I be?”

Poe winked.  “That’s the spirit.” 

As they swam Finn studied the hazy rippling of Poe’s arms and hands slowly waving back and forth beneath the clear water.  “How’re your wrists today?”

“Good.  Swimming really helps—it’s _just_ enough resistance.  Nothing like rehab.”  He said distastefully.

Finn’s mouth thinned, understanding all too well the pain of rehabilitation.  “It’ll be worth it; soon you’ll be cleared to fly again.” 

Poe sighed.  Flying was in his blood, running deeper than the sea beneath his feet.  But right now, the thought gave him no joy.  They were five days into their two weeks of mandatory leave, and with the carefree sun beating down and the water lapping cool about their bodies, Poe wished that it could last for years.  “Yeah…”

Finn arched a brow, for that was hardly the enthusiastic response he’d been expecting.  “Yeah?”

Poe gave him a wan smile.  “Sorry.  Just…getting shot at again doesn’t sound so fun right now.”

Finn mirrored the smile and he kissed him softly.  “I know.”

Poe’s hand found his and squeezed.  “Come on—let’s go lay in the sun.”        

Like shimmering mirages of sunlight and water, they headed back to shore.

 

 

 

**8 Months Later**

 

 

 

“Green team forwards!”  Finn yelled over a bone-rattling crash of artillery.  Hunkered low with his blaster held against his chest, he darted into the cloud of red dust, relying wholly on the electronic readout of his tactical goggles to navigate around chunks of stone and bits of bodies.  Teeth grit, Finn darted for a jagged shelf of peeled up pavement and tucked up behind it as returning salvos sparked against the duracreet mere inches from his head.  With a low, steady breath he popped up from cover and quickly sniped one of the five men who had taken positions opposite the capitol building of To’merra.

Red light flashed past, as those following in his wake picked off two more Stormtroopers.  A voice crackled into his ears.  “Major, sniper at .03, balcony on the far left.”

“Copy that.  I see her.”  Finn muttered as the remaining seven in his strike force joined him against his slab of sheltering duracreet. 

“Gold team is in, but they’re experiencing heavy fire from Sinear T5 security droids.”

Finn squinted through the sights of his blaster, leveling it towards the ghostly green shape hovering above his head some 40 meters to his left.  He closed his eyes, took a breath, and fired.  The green shape jerked and then fell, a leaf from a toppling tree.  He did not linger on the body—he could not stand to see the lights let go.  “T5 security droids are best at long range combat.  Blue Team, is the lower corridor secure?”

An explosion rattled their teeth and Finn shouted into his headset. “Repeat!”

“ _—we h— taken the corridor.”_

“Set your telemetry beacons to Gold team’s position.  Gold team, fall back to secondary location.  Draw the droids after you and leave your SBD’s in your wake.  Detonate as you can!”

“Copy, Major!” 

 _Come on, come on, where is air support?_ Finn threw a look at the sky, but it was shrouded from him.

The ground shook, and shouting burst through the explosions in cries of panic.

“We have AT-WTs, coming in from Nepori Avenue!”

 _Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me._ “Hold your ground!  Repeat, do _not_ withdrawl!  Do _not_ let them get to the capitol building!  Green team, after me!”  He stood and barreled through the grit and choking dust, trusting absolutely that his team of five had his back.  _Nepori Street, Nepori Street._ He ran, darting behind cover as he could and returning fire, recalling all that he could of the city’s layout.  His eyes widened behind his dust-smeared goggles as he spied towering, pipe-riddled cisterns of murky yellow.  _The atmospheric refineries!  They should be full of CO!_

“Green team,” he yelled over his shoulder, “concentrate all fire on the refinery cisterns!”

“Major,” Sedhi called from his side, “the explosions could rip the whole _block_ apart!”

“And if we’re lucky, we’ll take those walkers with it!  Bowen, any friendlies in this block?” 

“No readings.  We might want to put on our filters though, if we’re really gonna do this.”

“Agreed,” Sedhi nodded emphatically, reaching for the mask hanging at her belt loop.

“ _Where_ is air support?  Heavy walkers should be _their_ job, not ours!”  Loa growled.

Finn’s mouth thinned as he snugged on his respirator.  _If it was Poe, there’s no way they would be this late._ “Well, they’re _not_ here, so it just became our job!  Loa and Vic, you two keep your eyes peeled for ground fire.  Sedhi, Bowen, and Lee, let’s go!”

He rounded the corner of the broad war-pocked avenue as Loa and Vic fanned out.  Far in the distance, five looming shapes moved darkly through the dust, shimmering like monstrous mirages.  They stood tall on spindly legs and the rasping metallic clatter of their footfalls raised goosebumps up Finn’s arms; his legs vibrated from the sheer tonnage hitting the ground.  Boxy heads swiveled to and fro, sophisticated sensors peeling through metal, stone, and flesh as they scanned for prey.  Mounted within the AT-WT’s blank ‘faces’ were twin turbolaser cannons, mag pulse warhead launchers, and particulate bomb launchers.  The five machines would be more than enough to wrest control of To’merra away from the Resistance’s tenuous grip.  In another fifty feet they’d be in range to unleash their armaments upon them.  In forty feet, they would be directly beneath the smooth, cylindrical canisters of the atmospheric refinery.

Finn could feel Sedhi tensing beside him.  “Hold your ground, Sedhi.”

“They’re almost within range.” 

“So are we.”

They raised their blasters, expecting at any moment to feel the explosive bite of plasma tearing through their bodies. 

 _“Fire!”_ Finn yelled.  The four heavy field blasters let loose, the staccato spray of their fire burning through layers of cold-pressed durasteel. 

One of the boxy faces swiveled towards the source of the offending shots, its turbolaser cannons pointed at them like admonishing fingers.

“Major!”  Sedhi yelled.

“Keep on it!”

Just as the AT-WT’s cannons lit with green light, the CO canisters ruptured with an earthshaking roar.  Pipelines full of stored, concentrated carbon monoxide shattered apart in a ball of fire that shot above the rim of the nearest skyscrapers and cracked the street below as if a small sun had crashed into the planet.  Finn’s team tucked back against the protective edge of their shuddering building, hands clapped over their ears and eyes squeezed shut against the blinding light.

Stone and twisted bits of metal rushed down the avenue in a cloud of searing heat and debris.  A stunning silence rang out across the devastation.

“Holy shit, Major.  I think we got them.” Loa deadpanned, but he couldn’t yet let the relief in. 

“Confirm.”  He announced.

“I confirm a bunch of slag.”

“Seconded.”  Vic said with an aural nod.  “That was a great idea, Captain.”

“Good,” Finn breathed, “Gold team, Blue team, report!”

“Gold leader—we have Grand Admiral Ogden’s location locked down.  Breaking in now.”

“Red leader here.  The lower levels are secure, sir.”

“Copy.”

A low thrum he would have recognized anywhere whined into the air.  He cast his eyes to the billowing sky in time to see a wedge of X-wings darting in low.  His lips thinned ruefully.  The ship he wanted desperately to see was not among them.

“Sorry for the delay, Major.  We were bogged down with enemy fire in Sector 4.”

“Copy,” Finn rubbed at his brow as the ships swept past and swung a high arc, scouting for enemy craft.

“We didn’t leave you guys much to do.  But that’s fine—we’re used to doing your jobs.”  Loa called out sarcastically at the X-wings retreating engine lights.

“That’s enough, Lieutenant.”   Finn sighed. 

“Well, it’s true.”  She countered, her lekku curling angrily.

“I know it is, Loa.”  He said with a grudging smile. 

“Major,” Gold Leader’s voice again.  “We have Grand Admiral Ogden…but uh…he decided to take the easy way out.”

“Dammit…”

“All high ranking personnel are accounted for and apprehended.”

“Copy that.  Make the announcement, Gold Leader.”  Finn leaned his dust-coated head back against the buildings cool stone.  Weariness and relief flooded through him; the week-long assault was over.   He could have dropped to the rubble-strewn street and slept right then. “To’merra is ours.”

His team cheered, shaking their blasters in the air and hugging, jumping on the spot.  “All teams, bring prisoners and wounded to sector three.  I’ll let Admiral Statura know the campaign is over.”

Gold Leader’s magnified voice erupted from loudspeakers that dotted the streets at every intersection.  “Attention remaining First Order personnel.  Grand Admiral Ogden has surrendered.  To’Merra is now in Resistance control.  I repeat, To’merra is now in Resistance control.  Lay down your arms or you will be killed.”

Finn made a weary call to Admiral Statura, who waited in a capital ship in orbit above the city.  Transports rained down, both to apprehend and to heal, and Finn stalked wearily about the clearing battle site, stumbling here and there over unseen craters and chunks of stone.  A fresh breeze billowed the dust this way and that, revealing horrifying, scarlet glimpses of his teammates and fellow troops who had not made it.  _Raz, Inra …_ he looked hollowly upon their bodies, and the bits of their bodies, with something akin to numbness.  _I let them down..._  

_I want Poe…_

Tears welled for a painful moment.  A hand landed softly upon his shoulder, and he turned towards the tanned, freckled face of Sedhi.  “They would be proud, Major.”

He nodded stiffly, biting the insides of his lips.  They waited by their fallen kin until a transport came for them, and then he and the remaining five loaded them gently onboard. 

* * *

 

Finn tossed and turned upon his cot.  He had scrubbed the battle from his body, but it played in an endless loop behind his eyes.  A sea of ‘ifs’ tormented him.  _Maybe Raz would still be alive if I hadn’t told her to circle round.  If I had sniped that Stormtrooper, if I had seen him, Inra would’ve made it._   He had dutifully filed his report with Admiral Statura and then beelined for his and Poe’s quarters onboard General Organa's capitol ship, _The_ _Beacon_ , too exhausted even to bother with mess.The room was solidly dark, but it was hard for him to sleep without BB-8’s resting light.  It was harder still to sleep without Poe beside him.  He’d not been prepared for the separate lives that they would lead while serving the Resistance as it mopped up the remainders of the First Order.  He realized that he had not been prepared to live as a separate being; aloneness was something nearly foreign to him.  All of his life he had been with others; he had trained together in groups, slept around others, ate and showered and lived around others.  As soon as his real life had begun, there had been Poe.  There had _always_ been Poe.  It was so strange, after months of constant togetherness, to now be separated, and that vacancy followed him wherever he went.  He had seen Poe for hardly three months out of the past eight, and that time had been fractured; a few stolen days here, a frantic hour or two there.  If he was honest with himself, he found the months of harried running onboard the Hyrotil far preferable to this life of endless battles and constant goodbyes.  At least then, they had been together.  The emptiness of their little room had a gravity all its own, a crushing, keening weight he’d never anticipated.  _Please let him be okay,_ he begged the universe as he flopped down and flung an arm over his eyes _._ Part of him morbidly expected to receive ‘The Call’ and the handwritten letter that he had made now many times to his teammate’s next of kin. 

His hand curled upon the sheets where Poe should’ve been, an aching line cracking down the front of his chest.  _What time is it in the Galov sector?_ He could try calling.  They called as often as they could, providing that they were not in active combat or on covert missions.  But Poe was likely in active combat right now.  They had not managed to speak to one another for four days, and whenever Poe didn’t answer, Finn was throttled with panic, imagining that he must be dead though he knew he was overreacting.  At the moment, he wasn’t sure if he could bear for Poe to not pick up; it would be safer just to let it be and try to sleep. 

With a sigh, he thought back on the two weeks that they had spent on Yavin with Kes, and a wan smile tugged at the corners of his lips as colors and spices and birdsong soothed into his ears.  He heard the sighing of the ocean and Poe’s laughter as he splashed him with cool water.  He felt his lips sealing around his and his hand splaying out across his scar as the hot sun beat down upon them.    

_How much longer will this go on?_

He had hoped (naively he now realized) that once Snoke had been destroyed, that the First Order would simply topple like a building with the foundation pulled out from under it, and that they would be free to live lives of giddy togetherness and discovery.  But the Generals and Admirals who had survived now held on to their dwindling power and influence with tooth and nail, and civilians who had sympathized with them took every opportunity they could to wreak havoc in random attacks across the galaxy.  Even the Resistance was not immune to the chaos—indeed, several of their allies had taken the opportunity to advance their own political causes, and infighting ran rampant.  General Organa had her hands full trying to manage the frayed governmental threads.  _Maybe I should call him.  It’d be good to hear his voice, even if he can’t talk for long._ He sighed, laying in dark indecision. 

As if the universe had heard his thoughts, his comm buzzed from his bedside table.  _Please don’t be_ that _call.  Please be Poe._   He fumbled for the slender device with his heart in his throat.  Resistance security protocols prohibited the showing of name or number, or the ability to leave messages; it could be anyone calling.  He switched in on. 

“This is Finn.”

“Oh, thank gods.” Poe’s voice blew through him like an ocean breeze.  “Hey, baby!” 

Finn melted against the headboard with relief, and he clutched his comm to his chest like a beating heart.  Poe’s smile bloomed in the darkness behind his eyelids.  How he ached to feel him and kiss him; just the sound of his voice had him floating weightless, as if he’d completely unmoored from his body.  “Hey, honey.”  He managed through shaking relief. 

“The Trogan campaign must be over if I actually got ahold of you.”

“Yeah—just finished today.” 

“…how’d it go?”  Poe asked with all the caution of a bomb-sniffing droid. 

“It…it was okay.  We finally liberated To’merra, but Ogden did himself in.”

“Coward.”  Poe said distastefully.

“No kidding.”  Finn agreed emphatically. 

“Man, I’m glad that’s over.  Are you back home, now?”

“Yeah.  Just laid down about half an hour ago.  I wish you were here with me though.”

“I know, baby, I do too.”

They trailed off into a heavy silence. 

“How are you taking it?”  Poe asked softly.

Finn was silent a beat too long.

“Finn?”

“I lost Inra and Raz.”  He choked; saying it out loud like that made it somehow more real.  “I got To’merra, but l-lost them.” 

“Oh, Finn…I’m so sorry.” Poe said softly.  “I…I know how much that hurts.”

Finn wiped at his eyes and then sniffed mightily.  “Statura’s contacting their next of kin now.  Well, _Raz’s_ next of kin.”  Inra, a fellow defected Stormtrooper like himself had left no one behind.  The thought made Finn’s heart twist within his chest.  “Onboard funeral services will be tomorrow.  I—I feel like it’s my fault, Poe-” he started, but Poe cut him off.

“Don’t do that to yourself, Finn.  You know that’s not how it works—we can’t be everywhere at once.  We can’t see it all happening.  I know you did absolutely everything you could.  Your team knows it too.”

Finn heaved a shuddering sigh and quickly changed the subject.  “How about your side?  How’re things on Gamorr?” 

Poe sighed.  “Long day—just got back to the _Runner_.  We had a 17 hour surveillance run—but Senator Prilla is wearing them down.  I don’t think it’ll come to open conflict.”

“Good,” Finn sighed with a relief so deep he could have fallen asleep right then and there.  “Then you’ll be back soon?”

“Shouldn’t be more than four days.”

Finn’s mouth thinned and sadness lanced down his chest.  Four days was not soon enough.  There was every chance that he himself might be redeployed to a new sector, and that he would miss Poe in transit.  His tight silence lengthened until Poe was compelled to ask.

“Baby, what is it?”

The core of his consternation bubbled unexpectedly to the surface.  “I’m not good at this, Poe.”

“Finn, no, you’re a great leader.  We all lose people in this line of work…that’s just how it goes, and-”

“No, I mean…I’m not good at being alone.  It’s…it’s weird.”  He sighed.  “I keep thinking about when we were at your dad’s and….I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?”  Poe asked carefully.

“I want that all the time.  I don’t want to keep worrying about you, and…I don’t want to see you just once a month.”  

“Finn, you don’t have to stay in the Resistance if it’s not what you want.  No one would blame you.  _I_ wouldn’t blame you.”  Weariness weighted his voice suddenly, and Finn could practically see him pinching between his brows.  “You know…I’ll be 33 in a month.  Mom and dad had been mustered out for five years by that point.  They had their life all squared away...”  He trailed off wistfully.

The question came from Finn before he could stop it.  “Would you leave the Resistance?”

Poe’s hesitancy caught him off guard.  “I’d want to see how all this turns out.  I…I don’t know yet.  ”

“Well _I_ know,” Finn said with sudden bitterness.  “You _won’t._   That’s your life more than I am.”

Poe recoiled as if he’d been slapped, and the defensive shock in his voice only managed to make Finn feel worse.  “That—that’s not fair!  This is who I _am,_ Finn, and you knew that before we ever got together!”

“Yeah, well, _knowing_ something is different than _living_ it.”  He held petulantly to his hurt, desperate for Poe to understand how wretched he felt, while at the same time knowing that he was being unfair.

“Look, if you want to leave the Resistance then do it, but don’t make it out like I don’t love you just because I’m out here doing something I believe in!”

“Forget it,” Finn muttered.

“Forget _what?_   What are you really trying to say?”

“I don’t know!”

“What, would you rather we were crammed onto the Hyrotil with bounty hunters breathing down our necks again?”

“At least then we’d actually be together!”

Poe took a huge, tense breath that pleased Finn in a petty kind of way.  “Okay—you _do_ realize how stupid this is, right?  That we’re fighting about how much we miss each other?  It’s not my fault that the First Order are a bunch of bitches, Finn.  Which you’re kind of being right now, honestly.”

“Oh, _sorry._   I’ll let you get back to your patrol, Colonel.” 

“Good _night,_ Finn.”

The connection went dead and Finn held his comm with a shaking hand.  He tossed it to the floor and rolled angrily over with his arms crossed before his chest.  _Goddammit._   His breath blew hot out of his nostrils as the bitter minutes crawled by.  His eyes were drawn to the empty space beside him and heat sprung to his face.  Before he knew it, he was crying.

He understood, deep down, that he was not angry at Poe so much as the situation itself, but there was a lost child within him that felt abandoned by his lover, no matter how stupid the notion might be.  A frantic and miserable argument broke out within his mind as he replayed every word of their conversation. 

 _You signed up for this too,_ he told himself.  _Why did you have to say that stuff to him?  …I miss him.  What if he dies out there?_

_Why does he have to leave me?  Why couldn’t he just say that he cares about the Resistance more than me?_

_You know that’s not true._

_It feels true sometimes._

He wiped at his eyes.  His acrid bitterness rapidly swirled into regret, and he reached blindly to the floor.  If something happened to Poe, he would never be able to live with himself for leaving it like this.  His fingers closed about his comm and he pressed in Poe’s code with the surety of muscle memory.  The tone pulsed over and over again.  _He’s not picking up.  He’s pissed at me._   After the fifteenth pulse, Finn gave up.  For a long while he lay in silence, staring up at the low paneled ceiling with his hands clasped over his stomach.  Then he stood, pressed on the lights, and clothed once more.  He could not stand lying there while feeling so wretched.

The softly curved hallway of the _Beacon’s_ housing wing was lit with white light, like the inside of a luminous shell.  It was as far distant from the cold, hard angles and glossy blackness of the First Order as it was possible to be, yet Finn nonetheless felt claustrophobic within its walls.  He decided to take a walk.  The massive Titan-class Mon Calamari Cruiser boasted a floorplan so large that Finn could walk for hours in a slow loop about its perimeter before returning to the housing floors.  He passed by the tech wing, full of glowing spider-webs of holomaps and tactical readouts, coders hunched over terminals with ghost-pale faces, and shook his head.  _The Resistance never sleeps._   He took a lift up one level so that he could continue about the bow of the ship and get a look at the stars; they always helped to center him. 

He slowed before the mercifully empty observation deck and its half-dome 20-meter long window of spotless transparisteel.  The universe stretched out before him, soothing his sadness into the background by virtue of its sheer indifferent enormity.  His eyes traveled from far distant start to star, watching as they flickered with mute fire in the deep black.  Poe was out there somewhere.  He swallowed; it all looked so serene, so _peaceful._   It was hard to believe that just a few hours earlier he’d nearly been blown to pieces by an AT-WT; that two of his friends had died before his eyes.  It was hard to believe that he could get so wound up and angry over something that was well beyond any mortal’s control; that he could blame Poe for _trying._   He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, focusing on the warm peace and joy that flowed over him at Poe’s touch, and the laughter that lie at the center of him. 

Blue light shimmered before his eyes and then solidified into a stream in human-shape, spotted here and there with luminous stars that flared like white diamonds.  The pattern of Poe’s life-light was dear to him.  It eased his heart to see it, strong and potent, when once he had watched it drifting into the ether.

 _It must be hard for him not to see me at all.  At least I can do this._ He scratched at the back of his head, feeling like a clingy child.  His sprees of emotional upset had come more and more often as the battles and time apart had lengthened.  In a single hour relief, joy, sorrow, bitterness, anger, loneliness, and despair could sprint through him like fire.  It left him feeling upended and cut off. 

He had made several close friendships with his teammates, but they were all likely asleep right now and he didn’t want to wake them with what he felt were selfish complaints.  Counselors were on-call at all hours onboard the ship, but he didn't have the energy to dredge through his emotions with a relative stranger.  He would wait _.  Just a few more days.  You can make it a few more days.  Then you can talk it out and figure out where to go from there._  

He took another deep breath, aware that he was monologuing.  He pictured the lake near Maz’s castle and he stilled his mind to mirror that glassy surface.  He heard the trees sighing, felt the cool breeze washing over his skin.  He followed the flow of Poe’s lights for several blissfully unaware minutes, and then he opened his eyes and started back to their room.         


	2. Chapter 2

General Leia Organa stood before a holoprojector, planetary orbits and hyperspace lanes reflecting within her dark eyes like threads of luminous silver as she studied the movement of her fleets above To’merra.  Pinpricks of light drifted here and there in midair, dust motes representing ships the size of cities.  She stood back, a hand to her mouth, and then she reached out and shut the map off.          

“We have reports of resurgent cells in sectors 4, 9, and 10.  However, our hold on To’merra seems to be very secure.  Major, Admiral…you and your teams have done excellent work.”

“Thank you, General.”  Finn said.

“Gold team is monitoring the situation.  I expect it will just be a matter of time before the First Order is extirpated from this region of space.”  Statura said.

Leia nodded softly, turning away from her holoprojector with tired eyes.  _It’s dragging at everyone_ , Finn realized sadly.  “Then you’re both dismissed, barring any further recommendations.  I will contact you with further details.  Until then…get some rest.” 

As the holoprojector flickered into darkness and the overhead lights brightened, Leia’s soft voice stopped Finn in his tracks. 

“A moment, if you wouldn’t mind, Major.” 

Finn paused, facing her once more.  She looked older, wearied beneath a load that she nonetheless bore with dignity.  His heart ached for her.  The deep pools of Leia’s eyes peered up into his and before he could feel uncomfortable with the knowingness in her gaze, he felt that familiar sensation of gentle weightlessness sweep over him.  His worry, frustration, guilt, and exhaustion were softly nullified, as if they’d been wrapped into a blanket and sent to bed.  He hadn’t yet learned how to use the Force in that way, though he wished fervently that he could—he would like to send such soothing peace to her as well.

Leia nodded to herself, some inner hunch confirmed.  She beckoned him to sit with her.  “At ease, Finn.”  She sat slowly with a deep sigh, the bold, brassy rings upon her wrinkled fingers glinting like fire in the light.  “How have you been?”

Eight months in, the concern of a superior still caught him pleasantly off guard.  He settled down across from her.  “I’ve been alright, General.”

She huffed a laugh, shaking her head with wry exasperation.  “You and Poe.  You won’t call me Leia either, will you?”

“It took me half a year to call Kes anything but ‘sir’.  Sorry, General.”  He smiled, but it faltered quickly.  Something about Leia made it impossible to put up a front.  He glanced away and swallowed. 

“You know,” Leia arched a grey brow, “I was exactly your age when the last war ended.”  Another dry laugh.  “Ended…really it just smoldered for a while before popping up again.”  Her dark eyes lifted to his.  “It took so long for it to end.  It had been my life for years, and I didn’t know what to do with myself once I was no longer needed on the front.”

“General…?” 

“What I’m saying, Finn, is that even though I wasn’t quite sure how to exist outside of active military service, for nearly twenty years I did just that.  I had a family.  I went on vacations.”  She shrugged.  “It wasn’t all fun and games.  But it wasn’t _this_ either.  It’s okay not to fight anymore, if that’s what you want.”  She took his hand, squeezing with a motherly strength.  “You’ve put in your time.  More time than most, if you think about how you were raised.”

Finn shifted, unable to meet her eyes though he was touched that she cared enough to divulge all of this.  “…I think Poe needs to hear that more than I do.”

Leia released his hand, sitting back with a bark of a laugh.  “Poe.”  She shook her head.  “I can only imagine.  He’ll be like me.  Dragged away tooth and nail only to come back to it decades later.  I knew his mother, Shara.  A dedicated woman.  Not that Kes isn’t dedicated—but he was ready to leave, ready to _live_ —just like you are now.  Shara would not have left on her own, no matter how miserable it made the two of them.  Poe’s a carbon copy of her.”

Finn’s mouth thinned, an expression that Leia did not miss.

“It _is_ hard.” She sympathized.  “The distance, the time apart…it takes a toll on people.  But maybe with Snoke gone neither of you will have to come back to the fight.”

“I don’t know if he’d be happy without it, honestly.”  He shrugged.

“Who knows?”  Leia smiled to herself as if enjoying some private joke and then said, “his squadron is due back in four days, correct?”

“Yes,” Finn answered.  Judging by the twinkle in Leia’s eyes, he’d failed at keeping his need from his voice.

“Good.  Send what’s left of Poe to me after you’re done with him.  I look forward to his report of the Galov sector.”

Finn choked, a blush deepening to the roots of his hair.  Leia didn’t have to look at him to know just how flustered he’d become; he was the epitome of an easy mark.  “Uh—yes, ma’am.”

Leia laughed.

* * *

 

With the conclusion of hostilities on To’Merra, mess onboard the _Beacon_ was more crowded than it had been in weeks.  It was a pleasant distraction, the lights, the voices and colors, the movement of the crowd.  He appreciated the diversity more than most, having gone without it for most of his life.  He found himself endlessly fascinated by the different faces and accents that met and greeted him as he carried his tray through the throngs and towards his usual table.  Round portholes shone like glimmering black eyes along the recurved wall beneath which his remaining teammates sat.  Finn had come to expect the curious mixture of joy and sorrow that suffused the long hall.  Victory was never painless.  It was never without loss.  Each smile was tinged with sadness, each laugh lined with regret, and empty seats dotted the hall like a sickness.  His eyes swept to the seat to his right, where Poe normally sat between he and Sedhi.  Loa glanced up from her cooling tray of nerf and brillroots and cheerfully waved. 

“Hey, Finn.  How’d the meeting go?”

He sat down with a scarcely concealed sigh.  “Good, but a little cryptic—she said she’d contact me with ‘further details’.”

“Hmm.  It’s not like the General to keep things under wraps.”  Bowen arched a brow, abandoning the pretense of eating all together.

“It could be bad news then.”   Sedhi said.

“Or _good_ news, Sedhi.  Lighten up a little, yeah?”  Loa scoffed, and Finn braced; the two were constantly butting heads. 

Sedhi’s mouth thinned.  “I will ‘lighten up’ after the funerals for our friends, if you haven’t forgotten about them already.”

“Sedhi…” Finn warned with a grimace.

 _“Excuse me?”_ Loa pushed angrily away from the table and stood, her yellow eyes blazing down at Sedhi like a nuclear dawn.  “I—you!  We can’t all be emotionless _droids_ like _you,_ Sedhi!”

“I am _not_ a droid-” Sedhi quietly bristled.

“You guys—Loa, come on, you know she didn’t mean it like that-” Finn brought his hands up, trying to diffuse the two.

“Fak’a _bish_!”  Loa snarled, and stalked away from the table.  Bowen had frozen with wide eyes and his fork halfway to his mouth.  He chewed, swallowed and stood with a sigh. 

“I’ll go calm her down.”  He muttered as he strode away from his supper with his hands in his pockets.

Sedhi’s white-knuckled hand trembled around her fork.  She stared through the table.  “She cursed at me, didn’t she?”  She asked softly.

“Oh yeah.”  Finn nodded.  “That was a bad one.”

Her fork bent at a right angle before she dropped it to the table with a clatter.  “You’re wrong, Finn.  I _did_ mean what I said.  She doesn’t care about the sacrifices of our friends.  She never takes this seriously.  She always acts like nothing’s happened.”

“That’s how she copes, Sedhi.  And she does it for us.”

Sedhi’s brow furrowed as she glanced up from her plate.  “What do you mean?”

“She _knows_ we’re sad…that we’re stressed out.  She tries to stay happy and tough because she doesn’t want to add to what _we’re_ going through.  Bowen says she cries a lot when they’re alone, though.”

Sedhi looked suddenly ill.  “She does?”

“Sure.  We all do.”  Finn said with an unsure smile.  “I mean…you do, right?”

“No.”  She shook her head stalwartly and then cracked under Finn’s suspiciously arched brow.  “Yes…sometimes.  It’s still strange to do though…”

Finn laughed suddenly.  “Just take lessons from me.  As soon as I got out I was crying all the time.”

“You were?”

“Yeah.  But…I had Poe to help me through it.  I’m sure it’s harder when you’re on your own.”

“I am not alone.  I have the Traitors.”

A wan smile tugged at his lips.  “Well, you know what I mean.”

“Yes.  You mean a romantic relationship.”  She stated as if she were reading from a textbook.

“Maybe.  I just mean… someone who really understands how life outside of the First Order works.  Having someone who really knows you and is there for you all the time.  It’s nice.”

“But Poe isn’t here all the time.”

Finn sighed.  “Yeah…I know.”

Sedhi’s eyes dropped sadly.  “I’m sorry…do you want a hug?”

Finn chuckled; he, Poe and two other former Stormtroopers were the only beings in the galaxy that Sedhi trusted enough to allow any kind of physical contact.  If Sedhi offered a hug, one did not turn it down—it was as rare as a Tatooine rainstorm.  “Sure, Sedhi.”      

* * *

 

Finn stood before two black, cloth-draped caskets, his hands clasped behind his back as he listened to Statura speak.  Unlike the caskets used by the Navy, these actually contained the bodies of his fallen friends, and though they were still and silent within, holoprojections of their smiling faces shimmered like ghosts in the air, just above the cloth.  Finn met each of their eyes, trying to will the images to understand that he was sorry that he had not seen them safely through.  But there was nothing left within to understand.  He could only trust that the truth of them that resided now in the Force could feel his sorrow and regret, and his thankfulness for having known them. 

Behind his lids, the cool wash of the living Force swept over him like a bracing tide, filling his lungs with energy and hope.  The life-lights of everyone in the room shimmered into existence until Finn felt he was floating weightless in a sea of starlight.  He could not see far enough to follow the flow of his fallen friends, but he knew beyond all doubt that they were there still. 

“And now, I would like for their Commanding Officer to say a few words.  Major?” 

Finn came back to himself to find Statura watching him with gentle expectation.  He cleared his throat and stepped forwards on the shallow stage.  He did not particularly enjoy speaking before groups, especially not at formal, somber gatherings such as this, but he understood the honor of it.  He found the faces of his surviving teammates standing at the front of the small crowd, and their eyes steadied him.

“It—it was truly an honor to serve with Inra and Raz Pleeda.  When I first met them, they couldn’t have seemed more different—a former First Order Stormtrooper and a Rodian who lost family to them on Hosnian Prime.  Yet every day I saw them work together against what seemed like impossible odds.  I saw them laughing and trading stories.  I saw them saving each other’s backs _countless_ times.” 

He glanced at the tears brimming in many of his teammate’s eyes.  Loa was openly crying.  Sedhi stirred, reaching out and taking the twi’lek’s hand.  Loa jerked in shock at the sudden and deeply unexpected touch.  Not a word was said, but Sedhi wiped at her eyes as Loa squeezed her hand.  The two of them solidified Finn’s next words.

“I realized that everything we use to divide one another, be it species, age, gender, or religion…down at our most elemental levels, none of that matters.  The same light flows in _all_ of us, binding us together—even if we don’t agree with each other, or look like each other.  We won't let their sacrifices be in vain.  Like Inra and Raz, we'll look past the limits we set not just on each other, but also the people we call our enemies.”

He placed his hand softly upon the black cloth draping from the corner of Inra’s somber casket.  “When we see someone die, it’s easy to believe that that’s it—that they're gone forever.  But what’s left behind isn’t them.  The truest parts of us live on in the Force, and we’ll all meet again in that great stream.”

* * *

 

Finn paced about their room.  He’d cleaned it to within an inch of its life, just to do something.  Talking of life-light and death had set Snap’s murder playing through his mind and it joined a loop of gruesome battlefield imagery which, in turn, switched to Poe, screaming, _dying_ beneath the hands of the Extractor.  He shivered and quickened his stride.  He’d tried eating with his friends in mess though he’d had little appetite, taken a walk around the _Beacon_ with Sedhi, and had attended a tactical meeting with Statura.  He’d run out of things to distract himself with; he had to call Poe, no matter if the other man was still angry at him.  He sat on the edge of the bed with his heart in his throat, pressed in his code, and waited.

The tone pulsed in his ears eight times, nine times, ten times.  After thirty pulses he gave up and flopped back on the bed.  As usual, the worst-case scenario played through his mind:  Poe’s ship, torn apart and drifting through space, his broken body cold as ice and … _stop it!_ He commanded himself.  He picked up his datapad and pressed it on, scrolling through pictures and holovids that they had taken together over the months.  He toggled to his favorite image; a shot of Poe standing in the crashing surf, his smile as blazingly bright as the Yavini sun that turned the water streaming down his body into liquid gold.  He stared at it for a long while.  After the sorrow of the funerals, Finn was highly primed to appreciate the vitality and joy that showed through Poe’s face, and the lively beauty of his body.  The shot somehow captured the pilot’s essence; he was a child of Yavin, of sun and surf, of swaying trees and bright, hot, limitless skies.  There was something elemental in the image, as if Finn could see all of those disparate parts merging together into the whole of him, a life-force condensed into a crinkling smile.  He imagined that if such a picture were taken of him, that it would be something of a patchwork quilt:  cold black halls, still lakes, faceless armor, sunlit jungles, TIE fighters and X-wings, terror and joy.  He roused himself from his musings, refocusing on Poe’s smile with a little grin.

He replayed the holovid that Poe had recorded for him before he’d left; doing so had become a ritual of theirs—leaving the other a little something to work with when the loneliness hit.  The image of Poe materialized in the room and almost it was if he were really there.  Finn reached for it, his fingers ghosting through the shimmering light as if through water. 

“Hey, baby.  You may have noticed that I’m naked.” The image said with a saucy wink that pierced Finn like fire.  “It’s gonna be a long three weeks so here’s a little something to remember me by.  Okay, I want you to close your eyes,”

Finn immediately clamped them shut, though there was no real need to.

“I’ll just assume you’ve done that.  Okay open ‘em.” 

Finn did so breathlessly, hungry for the image that awaited him.  Poe was sitting spread-eagle, his hand sliding up and down his cock in sure, slow strokes, his heavy-lidded eyes smoldering through the holovid and right through his body. 

“Mmm…okay, repeat after me.”

Finn’s hand slipped into his boxers, wrapping around his cock. 

“Ahh…I feel like I’m shooting some weird porno.  But it’s kind of turning me on?  You better be enjoying this.”

Finn grinned, leaning his head back and peering at Poe through half-closed eyes.  “I am.” 

“You probably are.  Okay, so pretend that your hand is my hand.  Now imagine my lips are just…hovering over your dick.  Hot and warm.  You can almost feel them.” 

Finn’s mouth dropped open, his body clenching at the thought.

Poe’s breath deepened and Finn shamelessly traced every curve and line of his body; the muscular bulge of his thighs, the delicious fullness of his ass.  “Nnnn…and my tongue’s sliding across your slit.  Dipping in, just a little.  Flicking back and forth.”

 _Oh gods…._ Finn bit his lips, his hand pumping quickly up and down.

“I love the way you taste, baby.”  Poe had obviously gotten past the awkwardness of what he was doing; the flushed head of his cock glistened with precum.  His left hand snaked between his legs and under his balls, rubbing slow circles around his puckered asshole.  Finn nearly came at that sight alone. 

“Fuck, I wish I was with you right now.  I want your cock pushing into me…slowly, bit by bit.  Can you feel it?”

He nearly could.  But ‘nearly’ wasn’t enough.  Frustration had long joined his intense arousal.  The first time he’d watched this video, weeks ago, he’d come in under a minute.  Now Poe came before him, no matter how turned on he was at seeing Poe’s finger slipping inside of himself, pushing and stretching that tight rim of flesh. 

“Ah…fuck…you’re so fucking good, babe.” Poe’s head pulled back as his finger slid from him, his attention focused now just below the head of his cock, and Finn could _feel_ the heat of him, knew just what he tasted like right now.  “Ah!  _Fuck,_ Finn!  Ahnn!”  Poe’s abdomen shuddered in a wave, his hips tensing and bucking, his mouth fallen open and his eyes squeezed shut.  Finn focused hard on the sensations building at the root of his cock, determined to ignore the frustration that hovered at his periphery.  He watched dazedly as Poe’s cum leapt from him in pearly spurts, landing in thick, hot lines across his stomach.  Each heavy breath, each groan ratcheted Finn tighter and tighter.  He came just as Poe let out a winded sigh that was half a laugh. 

“I hope you felt that, baby, because I fucking did.” 

Finn cracked an eye open, quaking in the aftermath of his orgasm.  Poe’s eyes met his in a mixture of arousal, tenderness, and the barest edge of sorrow.

“Mmm, that was good, but you better believe it’s gonna be better when I get back.  I hope you’re ready.”  He grinned and then sobered slightly, sitting up.  “Hey, I’ll be with you soon.  I love you, okay?  I love you so much, Finn.”  His image leant in, going dark as Poe pressed a kiss to the lens.  It would have looked foolish to anyone else, but Finn sat up and pressed his lips to the lens of the datapad in return, hoping that somehow, wherever he was, Poe could feel it. 

He stared at the blank screen for several empty minutes.  Far from relieved, he felt on the verge of tears again.  He missed sex, but he _needed_ Poe.  He cleaned himself up, shut the datapad down, and curled against the mattress, desperate just to have him there beside him in the darkness.  _Four more days.  Four more days._

 

 

After hours of tossing and turning, he decided to try calling him again.  He reached blindly for his comm and pressed in Poe’s code.  At the fifth pulse, Poe’s groggy voice answered, and Finn’s heart leapt.

“This is Dameron,” he said, all tired business. 

“Hey…”

“Oh…” His voice took on a less regimented tone.  “Hey, Finn.” 

The soft shifting of cloth rustled into Finn’s ears.   “I woke you up, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” Poe yawned, “but that’s okay.  Is everything alright?”

“Yeah…I just…”  He trailed off, scratching awkwardly at the back of his head.  Now that he had him, he wasn’t sure what to say—he dreaded another fight.  “…I’m sorry about yesterday.  I made it sound like you had to choose between me or the Resistance, and I _know_ that’s not how it works.  Sometimes I…just feel jealous though.  It’s stupid, and I’m sorry.”

“Finn, no.  If I’ve _ever_ made you feel that way, then I’m the one who should be sorry.”  Poe hurried.  “And I’m sorry for closing out on you too—you weren’t feeling good and I just cut you off.”

“Well…you were right.”  Finn shrugged.  “I was kind of being a bitch.”

Poe snorted a soft laugh, unable to take Finn seriously when he cursed at himself.  “A little.  But so was I.”  A moment of awkward silence stretched.  “Look,” Poe began, “this ‘being apart’ thing is new for me too, Finn.  When I was with Rhys, we were in the same squadron.  I didn’t have to worry about where he was and what he was facing, because I was facing it too.  But I’m _always_ worried about you; where you are, if you’re getting shot at, if you’re hurt or scared.  And I _do_ miss you.  All the time.  I’m sorry if I haven’t said that enough.” 

“Poe…”

“I mean, you know this isn’t exactly what I want either, right?”

Finn nodded mutely, gratitude welling painfully in his heart.  “Yeah…yeah, I do.” 

 “Good, because if I had to choose between fighting for the rest of my life and you, I’d obviously choose you.”

“Poe, I don’t want you to have to choose between _anything._   I want you to do what you love!”  Finn insisted earnestly.

Poe laughed, and just like that, any remnants of unease from their earlier argument evaporated into the air.  “But I love doing you!” 

Finn smacked his palm into his forehead.  “I walked into that one.”

“Haha, yeah you did.” Poe's laugh stretched into a yawn.  “What time is it there?”

“Uh…about 0300.”

“Jeez, you should be sleeping, babe.”

“I know, I just wanted to hear your voice.” 

“Well, I’m glad.”  He grinned and then his voice sobered.  “How…how are things?  To’Merra still holding?”

“Yeah, I had a meeting with Statura at 1800.  The capital is secured, and all First Order troops and commanders have been taken prisoner.”

“Good.  And…the funerals?”  Poe asked cautiously.

Finn gulped, heat springing to his eyes.  “It was…” he couldn’t lie and say that it had been _fine_ because of course it had not been, and Poe had been through the same situation enough times to know precisely what Finn was feeling.  His voice tightened as if a dianoga had wrapped around his throat.  “It was p-pretty rough.”

“Oh…honey…you’re crying?”

“N-no…” Finn said through tears.

“I wish I could be there with you, Finn.  I’m so sorry.”

Finn held a careful silence as he put himself shakily back together.  “Me too.”  He drew a hand across his eyes and nose and sniffed hugely.  “H-how’re things there?” 

“They’re good.  We’re docked on the _Runner_ right now, getting some sleep on the worst cots in the galaxy—but I should be back in about…hey, BB-8?  How long until we’re at the _Beacon?”_

[22.3 hours.]  The droid’s voice chirped brightly into Finn’s ears. 

“That’s _all?”_   A wide smile shone through the tears that had streaked Finn’s face.  “I thought it was gonna be way longer than that!”

“What, the General didn’t tell you?”

“Uh…obviously not?”

“The entire fleet’s been recalled!”

“What?”  Finn sputtered indignantly.  “Why didn’t she say that to me _earlier?_   She was leading me on, asking _me_ when you were gonna be back, like she didn’t know!”

Poe laughed.  “She’s got a twisted sense of humor sometimes.”

“I’ll say,” Finn agreed, both aggravated and thrilled.  “Well, did she tell _you_ why you’re being recalled?  Because she sure as hell didn’t tell me.”

“She didn’t go into the specifics, but if she’s recalling the entire fleet, I’d be willing to bet that that we’ve finally pinpointed the First Order’s last holdout.  And then we hit them with everyone and every ship we’ve got.”

Finn’s heart tripped a beat.  “It sounds like it could be Jakku all over again.”

“Could be.  But then it’d be _over,_ one way or the other.  And by that, I mean we’re winning this thing.”

Finn grinned.  “Yeah we are.”  And then he was silent for a moment, shaking his head to himself in the darkness of their room.  “Over.”  He murmured in disbelief.

“I know…it’s a crazy thought, huh?”

“It is.”

“And…well…that makes me think about what I was trying to say last night, only it probably didn’t come across right.  So, I feel like all of this is winding down, and when it does, the New Republic will reform with a new capitol planet and…maybe I could transfer to the New Republic planetary fleet again.  I mean, I’d still be on-call—it _is_ the Navy after all.  But we’d be together again.  _Really_ together—not this week a month kind of deal.  We could actually have a flat, and not a room on a ship.  Go out to eat.  Do whatever we wanted.”

“You’d muster out?”

“Out of the Resistance, yeah.  You don’t need a Resistance when there’s no galaxy-wide genocidal army to resist.  But the New Republic always keeps a standing Navy on their capitol.” 

“And where would that be?”  Finn asked breathlessly.  They were perhaps getting ahead of themselves, but neither seemed able to reign in their enthusiasm.

“I’d put my money on Corellia.  The General has a lot of governmental ties there and I think she’d have all of their votes if she decided to get back into the senate.”

“And…we wouldn’t have to fight anymore?”  Finn asked hesitantly.

“Finn, you don’t have to fight _now_ if it’s not what you want to do.” 

“Yeah, I do,” he sighed.  The faces of his fallen friends ghosted before his eyes and imagined all the children still held in captivity as cadets onboard their remaining Star Destroyers, all the Stormtroopers who only needed an out to switch sides entirely, as he had done.  And his remaining team needed him.  He would see this through.  “I couldn’t abandon my team after all of this.  And I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to them and I wasn’t there to help.”

Poe’s voice shone with pride as he answered.  “I know.  That’s one of the reasons I love you, you know?”

Finn smiled blithely up at the ceiling.  “Mmm, I love you too.  So,” he recalled his thoughts to their idealistic future, “if you were in the New Republic Navy, would _you_ still have to fight?”

“Potentially, but not like this, not unless something really big went down.  There’d always be the odd criminals or terrorists, but mostly it would be surface and space lane patrols and escorts.  Every now and then a mission to other planets, if a Republic presence was needed.  But I’d know that kind of stuff in advance.  Outside of a normal workday, I’d be home, wherever that ends up being.”

 _Home._ The word sparked joy through Finn’s heart.  He could hardly imagine the two of them sharing a stable life together; even the idea of living outside of a ship was absolutely _unreal_.  That was something normal people like Kes did.  They could travel, and have friends over, and decorate, and do all the banal little things that most people took for granted.  And then a rather unpleasant thought occurred to him. 

“What’ll I do for money, though?  I mean…I don’t really have any experience with a job, or anything.  This is all I know how to do.” 

“Don’t short-sell yourself, Finn.  You know so much _more_ than this!  Babe, believe me, you could do whatever you wanted.  You could sell your drawings or…or I don’t know, build buildings, or shave nerfs, or anything!”

Finn arched a brow.  “Do people even shave nerfs?”

“Probably.”  Poe said with a vocal shrug.  “It’s a big galaxy.  And you don’t have to figure it out right away.  I bet the General will get you a pretty good military retirement package.  And, you know, I’ll support you and all.”

“Haha, thanks, honey.  Not for long though, I’ll figure something out.” A huge grin split Finn’s face, as if an old skin that he had long outgrown was finally being shed.  No more shooting.  No more killing.  A sudden thought pinged into his head like a ship out of lightspeed.  “Oh!”  He gasped.

“Oh what?”  Poe exclaimed.

“Kalonia!”

“What about her?”

“Oh man, remember what she said when we got back from your dad’s?”

“…uh…”

Finn waved an impatient hand.  “She said that if I ever wanted to, I could help their doctors with all of the defectors and kids!  Even without counselor training, she said I’d be really good at it—that I knew what it was like trying to adjust to life outside the First Order better than any of her staff!”

“Finn, that’s a great idea!”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, you were a natural with them!  They already respect you, and so many of the kids think you’re great.  And— _and_ the medcenter they’re taking all the defectors to is on Corellia!” 

“Ohhoho, I’m getting a weird Force-feeling from all this!”  Finn said with a full-body shiver.  The hair on his arms stood straight as if they’d been electrified. 

“Good weird or bad weird?”

“Good weird!  I bet you anything the General _is_ going to restart the Republic on Corellia!  I could actually help all my Traitors face-to-face!”

“Haha...I love that they called themselves that.”

“Me too.”  Finn grinned from ear to ear and then yawned in spite of himself.

“Hey, I heard that yawn.  It’s gotta be almost 0400 there.  You need to get some sleep, because I’ll be back before you know it.”  Poe said with a seductive curl to his voice.

“Good thing, too.”  Finn laughed.  “I’ve watched your holovid like, fifty times.”

“Pfff, that’s embarrassing.  You don’t even wanna know how many times I’ve watched yours.”

“So, what I’m hearing is that we’re both a little pent up?”

“Oh my gods, if I stuck my dick out of my ship I could ejaculate my way back to the _Beacon_ , no fuel needed.”

Finn’s bark of a laugh nearly blew Poe’s ear out.  “Is that what they call a ‘thruster’?”

Poe snorted and for a few minutes they were overcome with the stupidity of it, giggling quietly into their comms, the sound music to one another’s ears.

Finn choked, picturing Poe jerking off into a fuel tank while slowly dehydrating like a Togrutan mummy.  “It’d take so long to refuel.” 

“Nah, cum is high octane stuff.  Only, you don’t want to tour the refineries—everything’s really sticky.”

“Heehee,” Finn laughed into his hand.

[Gross.]

“Go back to sleep, buddy, this is adult-talk.”

“Speaking of sleep…”  Finn yawned again, so pleased that he could fall asleep as effortlessly as a droid switching off.

“Hey, let’s call it a night, huh?” 

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be back in just about a day.”

“Okay.  I’m so glad, Poe.”

“Me too.  I love you, Finn.”  He heard the light smack of Poe kissing the comm and Finn smiled to himself in the darkness.

“I love you too.”  He mirrored the kiss.  “Safe flight.”

“I’ll do my best.”

[Goodnight, Finn!]

“Night, BB-8!”

Finn paused, waiting for the connection to close.

“Okay, I’m closing out now.”  Poe announced.

“Okay.  Love you.”

“Heheh…I love you too.”

“Goodnight, honey.”

“Goodnight.”

A long silence stretched though the call was still very much active. 

“You’re not closing out,” Finn pointed out with a laugh.

“Okay, now I really am.  Love you!”

“I love you—”

[Oh gods, I’ll do it.] BB-8 wheezed with exasperation.  [Goodnight, both of you!]

“Goodnight-” Poe began again but the connection was closed.  Finn held the comm to his chest, shaking with silent laughter.  He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More heavy stuff for Finn to work through, but at last some silliness with Poe. :> I really love writing those two being happy idiots. I can't wait to get them back together! Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think! Comments make my entire day! 
> 
> -Bluestem


End file.
